My post on Eating Mindfully was an early part in my journey of awareness and my eating habits. Not a totally committed journey, unfortunately. I need lots of reminders, and while I had this brief thought of hanging up posters all over my kitchen and dining room that said “think, taste, eat”, ...I don’t live in a food camp and I am a little vain... Poster idea scratched.
Back to the book. I borrowed the book from the library and it arrived just in time for me to leave on a mini getaway. I took it with me to a lovely spa hotel in North Jersey and read the first 20 pages soon after I got there. There’s a reason for everything, but let me say, it was a really good time for me to be re-inspired to eat mindfully. I had way too much food with me and was grateful for the reminder to eat in a way that was respectful to my body.
I voiced a minor complaint at the front desk and the manager I spoke to sounded rather patronizing. I walked off in a huff and decided it wasn’t worth my effort. I heard her calling after me and chose to keep going. I made it into the elevator, pressed the button and the door closed. She was fast enough, sigh, and the door reopened.
Ms. Manager apologized for my unhappiness and I used the opportunity to explain myself. She offered me a discount on the room rate and I accepted. She also offered an upgrade for a return visit. I thanked her.
The elevator opened on my floor and I exited feeling victorious. I walked into my room and reached for food. My hand dropped, instantly. I had just finished a big breakfast. I recognized that I was not hungry. I was feeling victorious. I removed myself from that food situation and pulled out a pen and paper. The untold truths had to be just a few pen scratches away.
Why do I associate food with victory?
Back to the front desk. I wasn’t actually asking for something. I just wanted to be validated. Why then am I feeling victorious? I didn’t even get what I wanted. I allowed myself to be consoled by a thing, money in this case, when what I wanted was validation. My emotional need was not met, I was just handed a distraction. Could that be the reason I reached for food? Ouch.
Either way, I am glad that I didn’t eat. Glad I got some money back. Glad that I’m capable of validating myself.
Very grateful to Chanale for recommending the book, Geneen for writing it, the library for making it available just in time and to myself for maintaining the awareness needed to not eat unconsciously.
To good health,